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Project Summary
We all need to do something. But to face the (often grim) reality, we also need some insight (mindfulness) while we are here and now. This point has been most prominently put forward by Buddhists (I'm not promoting Buddhism as a religion; I don't consider myself Buddhist). This is a place where I would like to share with other people my journey regarding this point.
Stage 0: Observing - Phenomenology
When my wife was working on a dissertation, around 2000-2002, I learned from her the basics of phenomenology. I especially appreciate the aspect of "suspending presuppositions." It's not easy to realize how much of our beliefs are just assumptions.
Stage 1: Teaching - Complex Systems
During my college teaching career, there was a fundamental change in my thinking. Until then, I more or less accepted and enjoyed the reductionistic approaches. But by around 2003-2004, I became convinced that I cannot deal with any realistically interesting things without complex systems perspectives. I also read a book about complex systems, which discusses attachment theory. I was drawn to the topic and created a college first year seminar integrating ideas in attachment theory and complex systems.
Stage 2: Parenting - Attachment Theory
About two weeks before starting the "attachment" course, we learned that my wife was pregnant. It was a total surprise and we were completely unprepared. During my wife's pregnancy, I learned many things about parenting by reading and also by teaching the course. We initially thought about keeping both of our full-time jobs and send our daughter to day care. But reading about attachment theory and day care, we became concerned. By the time our daughter was born in 2005, we were decided that I leave my job to spend time with our daughter, while my wife keeps her job. Since then, parenting has been my primary responsibility. For our daughter's third birthday, we even wrote a book on attachment theory.
Parenting was very challenging for me, partly due to my own attachment issues. The knowledge of attachment theory was certainly useful. However, when I broke my hip in 2008, I faced a big challenge. Unfortunately, the healing process was very slow. Not only a job and status, I also temporarily lost my ability to walk, being unable to adequately care for my daughter. I felt as though I lost, almost, everything. Then, I saw a hope. As the focus of the year, I had been exploring the connection between attachment and mindfulness. I was actually practicing mindfulness/insight meditation and seeing its effects on my parenting practice. Thanks to meditation, I felt I could overcome the situation. I then came to believe that mindfulness/insight is indeed the key to deep satisfaction in all aspects of life, not just my current particular situation. And the best resources for me has been the Buddhist philosophy/psychology (e.g., the Four Noble Truths) and practice (e.g., Vipassana meditation).
Our first book, Ava's Bedside, on child-parent attachment